The Dating Game
by Zoe Rose
Summary: AU Very random and pointless fic where Raven is the unwilling bachelorette on The Dating Game and BB, Cy and Control Freak are the bachelors and Robin and Star are the hosts. Belated bday present to Instant Coffee.


A/N OK, this was a random idea I had when I was writing "Tug of War" but I've decided, what the heck? And I finally wrote it down. I have never written anything in script format, and I am admittedly not a fan of the format but I thought for this random story it worked the best. I guess you can call this AU because for some weird reason I've set this in the late 70's. Don't ask. Anyway, this is loosely based on the segment on "Who's Line Is It Anyway?" and I believe there was a show like this at one point of the same name though I never watched it, but then again I think it was before my time. Just to warn you this story is very pointless, but I hope you will get a chuckle or two.

I guess in a way this can be called a companion piece to "Tug of War" (which by the way, I hope you'll read if you haven't already) because I got this dumb idea while writing "TOW", but I prefer to call it a belated birthday present to the ever wonderful Instant Coffee who had a b-day Sunday. Now go (once you're done reading and reviewing this of course) and read and review her stuff because she is one of the finest authors on this site! Enjoy!

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**THE DATING GAME**

(Blackout. Cheesy 70's love music plays. Lights up on a simply designed set that looks like it came straight from the sixties or seventies. In big letters made of lights the words "The Dating Game" flash in the background.)

ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, it's time to play the dating game where one lucky lady will pick her dream date! And now, here are your hosts, Dick Grayson and Koooooorrrry Anders!

(Dick and Kory enter waving dramatically at the audience. Dick is wearing a blue polyester leisure suit and Kory is wearing a purple sequin gown and her hair is styled like Farrah Faucet ala _Charlie's Angels)_

DICK: Hi everybody! I'm your host Dick Grayson and welcome to the Dating Game! Let's not beat around the bush and why don't we get started introducing today's bachelors. Kory?

KORY: (with a wide, plastic smile that doesn't leave her face) All right. Well, Bachelor number one comes all the way from Jump City! This vegetarian likes carnivals, animals and long walks on the beach, please welcome, Garfield Logan!

(Lights shine on Gar who has a Michael Kelso shag and wears and Evil Keneval like-jumpsuit, he waves madly at the cheering audience, smiling like a goon)

KORY: Bachelor number two also comes all the way from Jump City. He likes cars and arcade games and long walks on the beach, give a round of applause for Victor Stone!

(lights shine on Vic who looks like always, but his technology is out of date, he's raising his hands in the air, taking in the applause)

KORY: And finally Bachelor Number Three. He may be a gross bad guy, but that doesn't mean he's not sensitive! He likes watching TV, going to movies and long walks on the beach, say hello to Control Freak!

(lights shine on Control Freak who looks like he always does. No applause. A tumbleweed rolls by, crickets chirp in the background.)

DICK: Welcome Bachelors! I would take time to talk with each of you like it usually happens here on the Dating Game, but we're running low on time. Why don't we meet today's lovely bachelorette? Today's lucky girl comes all the way from another dimension! She likes flowers, candlelit dinners for two and long walks on the beach, let's give a warm welcome to Raven Roth!

(He motions his hand to the wings but no one comes out. He and Kory have the same wide plastic showbiz grin but their eyes look nervously desperate)

Ahem! Raaaaaaaaaven Roth! (still nothing. Dick and Kory begin to sweat) Kory, why don't you go see where our lovely bachelorette is?

KORY: Sure thing Dick! (walks off stage without facing away from the audience, still smiling like a beauty pageant contestant.)

(Dick begins to whistle nervously tapping his feet, smiling at the audience nervously, trying not to acknowledge the sounds of a minor kerfuffle happening off stage. Kory's voice is randomly heard saying "Come on!" and Raven is randomly heard saying things like, "No, you can't make me!" Finally Kory appears, her dress and hair is a mess and she is pulling on what looks like a hand. Finally she manages to drag Raven kicking and screaming on stage. Raven is wearing a gaudy red dress and obviously is not happy about wardrobe's decision. Her hair is in a tacky beehive type style. The two girls are practically in a catfight when they both realize that they are on TV. They stop and smile awkwardly at the audience.)

RAVEN: For the record, I did not write that. I don't like those things.

DICK: (privately through gritted smiling teeth) You didn't fill that out so we gave you the standard write up.

RAVEN: (in similar fashion to Dick) Yeah well I didn't agree to be on this stupid show.

KORY: (privately to Raven) To late now!

(All three look sheepishly at the audience. Kory regains her composure and leads Raven to her chair. Beside her is a divider so she can't see the bachelors. Raven sits down, looking like a deer caught in headlights.)

DICK: All right, let's find out which eligible bachelor will win a date with the lovely Raven who will choose based on the answers they give. Let's begin shall we?

RAVEN: ….

DICK: (mouths the words to her desperately) Look at the teleprompter! (mouth open in stage fright shock Raven nods and does what he says.)

RAVEN: OK um, bachelor number one. What's your idea of a perfect date?

GAR: Oooh! I know! The carnival! See we go to the carnival and ride the Ferris wheel, then it gets stuck and we're stuck at the top. Then we get down and go on roller coasters then eat tofu dogs!

RAVEN: Tofu?

GAR: Yeah, vegetarian hot do…

RAVEN: (quickly) Bachelor number two! Uh, same question.

VIC: Well, my idea of the perfect date involves driving down the interstate in my wheels and maybe stopping by the arcade and playing a few rounds of "Pong" and then we can work on my ride and…

RAVEN: (cutting him off) Um, Bachelor number three! Same question.

CONTROL FREAK: Star Trek convention.

RAVEN: Uh…. OK…(coughs the word: "loser!")

CONTROL FREAK: Hey!

RAVEN: (to herself) What did I do to deserve this? (to everyone) Well then OK, next question. If you could be any animal, what would you be? Man who comes up with these stupid questions? Bachelor Number One?

GAR: (blinks) Uh… you're kidding right?

RAVEN: I don't kid.

GAR: Well, I can be whatever animal you want. (grins slyly to the camera)

RAVEN: (Rolls eyes) Whatever. Bachelor number Two?  
VIC: No way am I having animals in my ride.

RAVEN: (sighs) Bachelor number Three?

CONTROL FREAK: Does a Wookie count?

KORY: Hey, I resent that. I happen to know a Wookie and they are a highly intelligent race…

CONTROL FREAK: Hey! No one asked you! I thought the hostess isn't supposed to do anything but stand there and smile and introduce the contestants!

KORY: I apologize, but I have to come to the defence of the Wookie race. I dated a Wookie once and…

DICK: You did?

KORY: Yes, well…I…for a little while.

DICK: How come you never told me?

KORY: What, since when do I have to tell you about my exes? You do not see me getting all jealous every time you mention your ex.

DICK: Kitten doesn't count.

KORY: (rolls eyes in a huff) Whatever. I saw the way you looked at her!

DICK: Who wouldn't want to look at her like that? I mean…WOW! She's hot and… (upon seeing Kory's expression begins to chuckle nervously) What I mean is _you're_ hot and she's a… well I liked her until she opened her mouth and…

KORY: Oh I see. You liked Kitten more than me…you think she is prettier than me! Why don't you go back to her then?!  
DICK: We went on one date! It doesn't matter if I liked her, it was one measly date! That doesn't mean she's my ex!

KORY: So you admit that you liked her!

(As Dick and Kory begin to bicker Gar turns to Vic)

GAR: So… you have a problem with animals?

VIC: No, just when they shed all over my sheepskin seat covers!

GAR: You have sheepskin on your car seats?! ANIMAL HATER!

VIC: Easy there little guy, what's with the whole 'I'm an animal activist' thing anyway?

GAR: Dude! I _am_ an animal!!! (changes into a few random animals)

CONTROL FREAK: Dude! You're a freak!

VIC: No way man! That's cool!

GAR: Hey what does that robot stuff do?

VIC and GAR begin to show off their powers.

CONTROL FREAK: Hey! I can control things with my souped up remote!

GAR: … and….?

VIC: ….so?

CONTROL FREAK: Uh…that's it…

(Vic and Gar burst into laughter, coughing words like, "nerd!" or "loser!". Meanwhile Raven looks mortified being on TV but as she watches Dick and Kory bicker, and listens to the bachelors…um…bond she realizes that no one is paying attention to her, grins slyly and sees it as her window of opportunity to leave. She inconspicuously gets up to leave when Dick says to Kory…)

DICK: No, _I'm _sorry. Let's never fight again! (they hug)  
KORY: OK! So where were we? Oh yes! Raven, now is the time to choose! (the bachelors stop bonding and Raven freezes, noticing everyone is looking at her again)

RAVEN: Do I have to?

EVERYONE: Yes. (Raven groans)

KORY: So, who will it be? Bachelor number one? (loud applause in the audience) Bachelor number two? (loud applause) Or bachelor number three? (nothing…just another tumbleweed rolls by and Control Freak grumbles)

RAVEN: Ummmm…

DICK: Choose wisely…

RAVEN: Uh…. I choose….that guy! (points to a random stagehand)

RANDOM STAGEHAND: Whoo hoo!

DICK: You have to choose one of the bachelors.

RAVEN: Since when? I don't see any rule saying I can't choose whoever I want.

KORY: (holding random rule book) She's right Dick. It just says she has to choose someone.

DICK: All right then. Congratulations random stagehand! Let's see what you won!

KORY: Our happy couple has won a lifetime supply of instant coffee! And that's not all, you've also won an exciting romantic getaway to Disneyworld! The most romantic place in the world to spend your honeymoon after we provide you with your dream wedding tomorrow!!

(cheesy theme music plays and the credits begin to roll)

RAVEN: (horrified) WHAT?!!!!

(fade to black)

* * *

Raven woke up with a horrified gasp. She sighed with relief when she saw that she was only dreaming. She must've dozed off on the couch. She noticed her friends looking at her curiously. Raven blushed.

"Friend Raven are you all right?" Starfire asked.

Raven nodded, "Yeah, I just had a bad dream." She pointed to Starfire, "And you were there," she pointed to Robin, "and you were there," she pointed to Beast Boy and Cyborg, "And you guys were there."

"So what happened?" Robin asked.

"Was it really scary?" Beast Boy asked.

"Um…I'd rather not talk about it," Raven said, "It's too…" _Embarrassing._ She thought.

"Oh. OK," Cybrog shrugged. Everyone nodded and went back to what they were doing. Cyborg and Beast Boy went back to their game, Robin and Starfire proceeded to cuddle, which wasn't surprising since only the day before they officially became a couple. Raven decided to go meditate, deciding the dream was only a reflection of the previous days events. She shuddered, glad that it was only a dream. But it felt so real.

She went to the door to the roof and reached for the handle and nearly died of shock.

There on her left hand was… a ring. (Cue the "Psycho" shower scene music)

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Note to self: Do not write when tired and giddy with a brain that has turned to mush due to final exams for dumb pointless stories shall result.

A/N I hope you all enjoyed anyway. If not, perhaps you should read again after three nights without sleep, after that pretty much _everything _is funny. The last bit refers to "Tug of War" so if you haven't yet, go read it! And go read Instant Coffee's work! (find a link to her profile on my favourite stories list) After enduing this you'll need to read something of top quality! Don't forget to review and have a fantabulous day!


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